By Dr. Ekrah Ndungu

A call to raise emotionally mature adults who enter marriage as builders, not as burdens. Raising academically successful or career successful children doesn’t always guarantee relationalwise adults. There are many successful people who have failed in this space. As a parent today you’ve a chance to avoid a future son/daughter to marry parenting mistakes.

Before you allow yourself to enter a long-term relationship, ask this sobering question:
“Am I signing up for a PhD in emotional repair?”

Because marriage is not a rehabilitation center for tantrums, trauma, or emotional illiteracy. It is a covenant, not a correctional facility. And yet, many young people walk into marriage hoping their partner will parent them, fix them, or complete what their upbringing neglected. Marriage is not a correctional facility to help outgrow tantrums, one needs to outgrow tantrums way before so they can build a healthy home not a little tension facility or they’ll sign up into sad controlling home like mini mortuary.

This is a call to parents especially Millennials and Gen X, to raise sons and daughters who are emotionally fluent, spiritually anchored, and relationally wise. Because if you don’t raise them well, their spouse will have to do it for you and most likely it’ll be a future broken home,broken society or sadly another homicide case study.

The Parenting Mandate: Raise Builders, Not Projects

1. Outgrow Tantrums Before You Outgrow Your Shoes
   Emotional regulation is not optional. If your child still weaponizes silence, explodes under pressure, or manipulates through mood swings, they are not ready for covenant. Teach them to process pain, not project it.
2. Quiet Doesn’t Mean Whole
   Don’t celebrate quietness without discernment. Emotional unavailability often masquerades as calm. Teach your children to express, not suppress. Help them name their feelings, not bury them beneath politeness.
3. Marriage Is Not a Finishing School
   Your child’s spouse is not their therapist, parent, or emotional janitor. Equip your sons and daughters with:

• Conflict resolution skills
• Emotional vocabulary
• Spiritual discernment
• Financial stewardship
• Identity rooted in truth, not performance
• Relational wisdom
• Letting go
• standing up for themselves
• Loving self first & sharing overflow with others

1. Legacy Is Loud at the Wedding
   the in-laws, will dance at your child’s wedding — not just in celebration, but sometimes in silent grief. Because they know they married the family’s unresolved wounds, knowing you’re marrying a family’s mistakes. Parenting mistakes don’t disappear in bridal gowns & tuxedos; they echo in bedrooms, boardrooms, and baby nurseries. As a parent do not outsource your children’s emotional healing from their future spouses,do it in advance now that you’re an educated parent.